Coronial Confessions

The coronavirus restrictions are changing me. Good things are resulting from staying at home.

These are re-setting weeks. God’s Spirit is with me, making itself known in the quietness of these at-home days. When the pandemic has passed, I hope I don’t return to my former ways!

Many of the “ahas” I’m observing rest in the truths David speaks in Psalm 23 and Psalm 139. I’m recording what I’m hearing. I wonder if you identify with any of these “coronial confessions.”

I want to do it all! I have received many invitations for online classes and seminars in these weeks, every one in my areas of interest. They all sound good. God knows I want to say yes. (“I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking” Psalm 139:2 MSG.) God is a discerning God, and like Him, I need to be discerning. In his book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown says, “If the answer isn’t a definite yes, then it should be a no.” One reason something is a no in these days is because saying yesrequires more screen time—something I don’t need.

I love ministry. Okay, this isn’t a new thought; it’s a warning though. God determines my capacity. Whatever group I join, I naturally begin thinking, Who in this group can I reach out to? But there’s another question I must consider: Do I have capacity for additional relationships?”You . . . are intimately acquainted with all my ways” (Psalm 139:3 NASB). I, too, need to be in tune with all my ways.

I don’t need to lead everything, though I’m a leader by design. All my thoughts are not needed. I can and need to allow others to initiate. Will I allow God to lead? Asking this question has sometimes stopped me. “Even there you hand shall lead me” (Psalm 139:10). According to my good friend at TrueFace, “Influence is about stewardship” —not leadership.

I’m more controlling than I thought. It’s easy to see that others want to control. Now God is fine-tuning me. I don’t like that calendar control has slipped from my hands. I want to know the next time I will visit our grands. I want to plan having friends in for dinner. “Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:16 NLT). This truth asks, Will I trust God?

My do-list can hijack a good opportunity. It’s a beautiful day. Tomorrow it could rain. I wonder, Should I alter my plans to enjoy this gift of spring weather? God has given a gift, will I receive it?

God alone will meet my needs. In 1992 Gary Chapman authored The Five Love Languages. As Bill and I have talked about this over the years, we agree that we both want to experience all five: words, time, gifts, service, and touch. That is still true, but for me wordshave crept to the top lately. And I’m married to an introvert!

Love languages are a way to experience the need for love God has created in me. I can’t expect my husband to meet a need that God has reserved for Himself. I’m learning to review those God-given needs and ask God to meet them. Sometimes the answer comes from Bill, sometimes from others, sometimes in a book I’m reading, sometimes from God Himself. “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:14 NLT).

As these insights surface, I can sum them up with the truth that God is always at work transforming my character. And that offers soul rest. “True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction” (Psalm 23:3 MSG).

I’m leaving a blank page in my journal; I’m guessing this list is going to grow.

Adapted from Sue’s blog Echoes of Grace, May 21, 2020.